


Golden Boy

by pouty_hoseok



Series: Songfics [15]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Beaches, Crying, Cussing, Drinking, Ear Piercings, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Hot Topic, I Don't Know Anymore, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Lollipops, M/M, Making Out, Possibly Unrequited Love, Punk Seo Changbin, Rebellion, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Seo Changbin-centric, Smoking, Soft Seo Changbin, Songfic, Tattoos, Teenage Rebellion, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, i'm simping for seungmin and none of you can stop me, is it underage? i don't know, omg that's a real tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28264626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouty_hoseok/pseuds/pouty_hoseok
Summary: Seungmin's "rebellion" (if you can even call it that) through the eyes of Changbin.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Seungmin & Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Series: Songfics [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599289
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	Golden Boy

**Author's Note:**

> i love seungbin pls they need more love

Seungmin is, in short, the walking definition of a “golden boy”. He’s adorably sweet and he’s wonderful in school and everyone likes him despite the way he seems to try (keyword being  _ try _ ) to be intimidating and mean and scary when he’s really quite the opposite. They met at the movies when Changbin tripped and almost spilled all of his precious popcorn on him but Seungmin caught him except Changbin’s poor, bisexual (yes, it’s bisexual because Seo Changbin refuses to stand for any more bisexual erasure and he will shout his sexuality from rooftops if that’s what it takes) heart seemed to have ended up in Seungmin’s hands anyway. 

Yet, another thing about Seungmin, though, is that he is painfully oblivious. He and Changbin have known each other for years now, and he has yet to see that Changbin is painfully in love with him. Then again, Seungmin seems kind of busy with how much he likes Hyunjin, some kid in his class who helped him with this and they sit together and blah, blah, blah, Changbin wishes he could care without feeling like shit. But, well, that’s just how life is, isn’t it?

“Hyung!” a voice cries, startling Changbin out of his reverie. He jerks in place to find Seungmin grinning at him, his pretty blond hair curly and smushed under a soft, (almost) equally pretty beret. Changbin swears he chokes as he shifts in his car. 

“Seungmin, hey,” he says, hoping he doesn’t sound nearly as nervous as he feels, “you ready to go?” 

“Mmhmm!” Seungmin chirps, scampering toward the other side of the car. Changbin sighs, pretending to be annoyed as he watches Seungmin through the rearview mirror as the younger boy tries valiantly to stuff his things into the trunk. 

“You need some help back there, golden boy?” he calls. He hears Seungmin huff angrily and chuckles to himself, shaking his head as he gets out of the car and walks over. The warming air of early summer offers an excuse for his reddened cheeks as he uses his hip to nudge Seungmin to the side and close the trunk. 

“Thanks, Hyung,” Seungmin says. Then, before Changbin can stutter out a response, he rushes to the front of the car and takes the shotgun seat. Changbin laughs, in awe of this boy and his every move because he loves him more than he should, and heads to the driver’s seat. 

“Hyung,” Seungmin says as they head toward the diner Seungmin likes to do his homework out, “I don’t wanna go today.” 

Changbin, out of surprise, almost stops the car. 

“What?” he says, gawking at Seungmin. “Why? Since when?” 

“Since today,” Seungmin says, crossing his arms and tilting his nose up in the air. However, just as soon as he adopts the pose, he drops it, turning to look at Changbin like an excited puppy. “I’m a senior! I want to rebel!”

This time, Changbin really  _ does _ stop the car, the wheels screeching in protest even though he wasn’t even going that fast. 

“What?” he says, his voice a lot more high pitched than he’d like it to be. “You what?” 

Seungmin’s grin turns into an embarrassed pout as he crosses his arms over his chest defensively. 

“This is my last chance to goof off before I have to worry about actual consequences!” Seungmin says. He frowns. “Well, I mean, technically-”

“Okay, okay, don’t go into the science of it or whatever, I don’t care,” Changbin says, waving his hand as he continues to drive. “But, uh, if you don’t mind my asking, why?” 

Seungming shrugs, looking sheepish. 

“I, um, it’s nothing,” he mumbles. 

“Bullshit. Now you have to tell me, you don’t get that embarrassed over nothing.” 

“You’re gonna tease me!” Seungmin says, covering his face with his hands. Changbin scowls and hits his bicep. 

“Don’t be a baby. Also, that’s hypocritical. You tease me for  _ existing _ ,” Changbin says.

“Well, that’s ‘cause-”

“Tell me or I won’t help you,” Changbin interrupts, grinning victoriously when Seungmin releases a frustrated groan and turns beet red. His feet are now resting on the seat and if it was anyone else then Changbin would’ve started screaming until they put their feet down, but it’s Seungmin so he can make an exception. 

“Ugh,  _ fine, _ ” Seungmin says, scowling at him. Changbin grins as he turns onto a random street, wincing when the sun shines directly in his eyes. Sometimes, though he’ll never admit it out loud much less to Seungmin himself, Changbin likes to imagine that he and Seungmin are going out for a date by just driving around. It’s a nice fantasy, though a wholly unrealistic one. But, well, a guy can dream, right?

“Hyung? Changbin-Hyung, did you even hear a thing I said?” Seungmin says. Changbin stops daydreaming and turns to face the younger boy, smiling apologetically. 

“No, sorry,” he says. Seungmin groans, dragging his hands over his face from exasperation. 

“ _ Hyung _ ,” he whines. 

“Okay, okay, I’m listening!” Changbin says. Seungmin huffs. 

“It’s ‘cause - ‘cause of a boy,” Seungmin mumbles. “And I - and ‘golden boys’ aren’t exactly his type.” 

“Well,” Changbin says, trying to at least look at the bright side for Seungmin because he isn’t about to start sobbing while driving him around, “at least he isn’t a het.” 

Seungmin laughs and Changbin wants to die. 

“At least,” he says. He shifts in his seat, sitting on top of his hands. “But, uh, can you help me? I really, really-”

“Do you love him?” Changbin interrupts before he can stop himself. Oh, dammit, he’s so fucking stupid, why can’t he ever keep his mouth shut when it matters most?

Seungmin blushes, tucking a blond strand of hair behind his ear and looking down at his feet. Changbin wishes he was alone in his car so he could at least have a smoke or stop to get a drink or something else concerning his bad habits. But, well, it’s bad to drink and drive or smoke and drive and, to top it all off, Seungmin hates whenever he does any of those things. They’re bad for Changbin’s health, blah, blah, blah, he’s heard it all before. 

(Yet, for some reason, he can’t ever pick up a cigarette or drink without feeling guilty. He can’t ever forget Seungmin’s cheeks, red from emotion and alcohol, as he’d begged Changbin to quit drinking and smoking and killing himself in those awful ways. And, though he has yet to kick either habit, Changbin doesn’t drink in front of Seungmin any more.)

“I don’t - no, of course not,” Seungmin says, lying through his teeth. Changbin really wants a smoke right now, can feel his fingers twitching on the wheel. 

“Don’t lie, Min,” he says. “Hey, can you grab me a lollipop or something from the glove compartment? There should be a whole bag of dum-dums or whatever's in there. Help yourself too.” 

Seungmin hums, and Changbin watches as he-

“Hyung,” Seungmin says quietly, nudging him as Changbin stops at a red light, “why do you have these?” 

_ Shitshitshitshit- _

“They’re old,” Changbin lies. He takes the cigarettes from Seungmin and slides them into his pocket. “The lollipops-”

“Hyung-”

“Seriously, Min, don’t worry about it,” Changbin says. “Anyway, I was asking about that Hyunjin guy. You in love with him or somethin’?” 

Seungmin looks down at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. 

“Maybe,” he mumbles shyly. Changbin wants to throw up. “He’s just-”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve already told me,” Changbin says. He reaches over Seungmin and grabs a lollipop, unwrapping it and shoving the candy into his mouth. “Don’t worry, I know, golden boy.” 

“Well, not for much longer,” Seungmin says. Changbin looks over and snorts. 

“Sorry, Minnie,” he says teasingly as the car starts moving again, “but you’ll always be golden boy to me.” 

And if Seungmin’s laughter makes his heart twist so painfully that Changbin wants to slam his head into the wheel, well, then no one needs to know. 

Changbin, truthfully, doesn’t expect anything to come out of Seungmin’s request. He thinks that he’ll just forget it and move on, and they’ll never talk about it again. And Changbin will once again retreat to the comfort of his fantasies because he’s a masochist who can’t get enough of his own heartbreak. He laughs at himself as he sits out on the hood of his car, cigarette held between two fingers as the smoke slithers out around him. He probably shouldn’t be smoking in a high school parking lot, especially considering the fact that he’s as tall as one, but, well, you only live once, right?

(And, of course, there’s the matter of Seungmin, as the boy will be devastated (though he certainly won’t show it) if he sees Changbin smoking again. Changbin’s already on thin ice with how Seungmin found the box currently sitting beside him.)

The sound of countless students chattering idly breaks the silence Changbin once basked in as he scrambles to put out the cigarette and toss it in the trash. He ends up crushing it beneath his shoe and jamming the box into his pocket, craning his neck for Seungmin. 

Of course, he’s hanging out with his other friends. Ever the social butterfly, Seungmin chats loudly with his classmates. Changbin recognizes a few of them; the little one is Felix, Chan’s not-boyfriend (but Changbin and Minho are both betting that they’re in the very least fucking behind the scenes); Jisung, Minho’s boyfriend; Jeongin, a cute kid Changbin (and everyone else) has a soft spot for; Beomgyu, the transfer kid from Daegu who’s in Jeongin’s year but still friends with the rest of them; Taehyun, Beomgyu’s “best friend”, though Changbin is pretty sure that they like each other but won’t admit it; shy Soobin who’s dating Yeonjun, one of Changbin’s friends; Hueningkai, the one from America; Jongho, the jock-y guy who’s actually pretty cool; and then, of course, there’s Hyunjin. 

(Honestly, though, there’s no reason to hate Hyunjin. He’s really good-looking, he’s super nice, he doesn’t have a single bad bone in his body - he’s the ideal boyfriend. He and Seungmin click really well together and they look really good together, so maybe that’s why Changbin hates him. Because Changbin hasn’t got  _ shit _ on Hyunjin. He’s far from the god-like attractive/handsome/ethereal/gorgeous that Hyunjin is, he’s defensive, and he’s got all of these nasty habits. It’s like asking someone to choose between a puppy or some old, dying dog that doesn’t do anything.)

“Changbin-Hyung!” Seungmin says then, waving at him. Changbin’s stupid and very traitorous heart does a little tap-dance in his chest and plays the xylophone with his ribcage as his cheeks heat up and he waves back. 

“Hey, Seungmo,” he says. Seungmin huffs and shakes his head, gesturing to his friends. 

“You guys know Changbin-Hyung, right?” Seungmin says, gesturing to him. “The little one who pretends to be a punk?” 

“Hey!” 

“Oh, yeah,” Felix says, pointing at him. “You’re Chris - I mean, you’re Chan-Hyung’s friend, aren’t you? With Jisung here?” 

“Yeah, we’re friends,” Jisung says. He rushes at Changbin, pulling him into a hug and being annoyingly Jisung-like as per usual. “Aw, Hyungie, I missed you.” 

“You miss your boyfriend, bitch, that’s what you miss,” Changbin grumbles, prying Jisung off of him. “Leave me alone, don’t get your mushiness on me.” 

Jisung laughs, hugging him again, and Changbin wants to hit him. The rest of them shift around and then Changbin hears a motorcycle behind him. Soobin turns beet red as the others begin to tease him, laughing. 

“Oh, Changbin-Hyung!” Yeonjun says from behind him. Changbin rolls his eyes and punches his arm when he gets over. 

“Ready to go, babe?” Yeonjun says to Soobin. Soobin nods shyly and turns to wave at the others before snaking an arm around Yeonjun’s waist as they walk off. 

“Ugh, they’re gross,” Jongho says, sticking his tongue out. Everyone more or less nods in agreement, watching as Yeonjun revs the engine of his motorcycle and then drives away. 

“You ready to go?” Changbin says to Seungmin. He gestures to his friends. “You guys got a ride or something?” 

“He’s coming,” Jongho mumbles, checking his phone and shaking his head. Felix gives him a thumbs-up and then walks off, waving and bidding them goodbye. 

“We walk,” Beomgyu says. He links arms with Taehyun and Hueningkai, though no one misses how he grabs Taehyun’s hand as well. “See ya.” 

“Jeongin-ah? You got a ride?” Changbin says. Jeongin nods. 

“I’m staying with Beomgyu today,” he says. He jogs to catch up with them, waving over his shoulder. “Bye, Hyungs!”

“Hyunjin, do you wanna come with us?” Seungmin blurts. Changbin wants to punch his car. 

“Oh, uh, sure!” Hyunjin says, and Changbin feels like vomiting as he smiles and assures Hyunjin that it’s fine he gets into the driver’s seat. 

“Min, aren’t you sitting in shotgun?” he says, frowning at Seungmin as he gets into the back. Seungmin’s cheeks turn red and he shakes his head rapidly. 

“No, I’m gonna - I’m gonna sit with Jin in the back,” he says. Changbin’s mouth feels dry as he nods and starts the car, tempted to drive himself into a tree. Jealousy rears its stupid, ugly head inside of his chest, cackling at his expense. 

“Okay,” he forces himself to say. He reaches into the glove compartment and grabs a lollipop, tugging the wrapper off and shoving it into his mouth. “You guys want any?” 

“Oh, sure, thanks,” Hyunjin says. Changbin continues to drive. 

“Hyunjin-ssi, where d’you wanna go?” he says around the lollipop. 

“I don’t really have anywhere to be,” Hyunjin says. 

“Oh, you should hang out with us!” Seungmin says immediately. “Hyung’s just gonna show me how to rebel against society!” 

Hyunjin laughs. 

“Oh, wow, really?” he says. “Wow, Seungie, didn’t think you could even  _ do _ something like that.”

Seungmin huffs, mumbling something about being plenty adventurous while Changbin finds a surprising burst of laughter bubbling out of him. 

“I said the same thing,” he says. Hyunjin laughs. “He really is the golden boy, isn’t he?” 

“Yeah, all of the teachers love him,” Hyunjin says, looking at Seungmin with something in his eyes that makes Changbin really want to cry. 

“Uh, God, Min, if your grades suffer for this, your parents-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine!” Seungmin says. “Just gotta go to a few parties and stuff, you know?”

“Sure, sure,” Hyunjin says and Changbin tightens his grip on the wheel. He just wants to get this over with. 

It becomes normal. Not picking up Hyunjin, oh, no, Changbin thinks he’d explode if he did that, but “teaching” Seungmin how to act up. Changbin starts simply - he attacks Seungmin’s pastel wardrobe and they go shopping together at Hot Topic and spend a couple of hours there on a lazy Saturday. It’s easy for Changbin to imagine that they’re boyfriends going out to do boyfriend things. He can laugh when Seungmin’s clothes are stupid and silly and he can play with him and they can be affectionate and Changbin can sort of convince himself that he and Seungmin are in love and that Changbin isn’t trying to help set him up with a guy. Changbin can pretend. 

“Come on, Hyungie, let’s go,” Seungmin says, grabbing Changbin’s hand and tugging him toward the door. Yeosang waves at them as they go, winking at Changbin and mouthing, “Good luck!”

“Okay, okay,” Changbin says because he’s a lovesick fool. “Where-”

“Wherever you want to go,” Seungmin says. And Changbin wonders, oh,  _ God, _ does he wonder what Seungmin means by that. 

(But Seungmin is in love with someone else. Most importantly, someone who is better than Changbin, which is obviously what Seungmin deserves. The best of the best and more. And Changbin just isn’t that.)

[ _ Blue & Grey (Music Box Edition) _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A2zOJ9Ghho)

They go to get ice cream, then Changbin drives him home. He says goodbye to Seungmin and then drives out to an empty parking lot and parks so he has a good view of the sunset, getting out to sit on the hood before grabbing a cigarette and lighting it in the safety of this empty parking lot. 

_ God, imagine it, _ he thinks to himself, taking out the cigarette to release a puff of smoke into the air.  _ Imagine if Seungmin loved you. _

He thinks, and he’s being honest here, that he can. He thinks if he tries hard enough, he can imagine what it’d be like to be loved by Seungmin. He can imagine how Seungmin would feel in his arms, how it’d be to wake up with him or go on dates with him. He can imagine how it’d feel, can create the scenes in his mind and live with them while simultaneously sending the boy of his dreams off to be with someone else.

“Imagine it,” he says aloud, laughing at the scratchiness of his voice and hating how he knows it isn’t from the little death stick between his lips. He wipes his eyes and sniffles, watching the sunset. It makes his heart twist in his chest as he wipes his eyes again, trying not to cry. He wonders, because he loves to torture himself, if Seungmin will ever come to a place like this with Hyunjin. If they’ll sit and make out in the car as the sun paints them and the skies all sort of pretty colors that will only make them more beautiful. He wonders if they’ll confess here, drunk on adrenaline and happiness, the complete opposites of Changbin right now. Changbin is sad and sober and heartbroken and very, very alone. 

“Imagine if I confessed,” he says, voicing his thoughts to laugh at himself. “My God, imagine if I told Seungmin I loved him. What a fuckin’ mess  _ that’d _ be, am I right?” He cackles loudly into the empty air, leaning back against the window with a heavy sigh that seems to weigh his entire body down. He kind of really wants to go home and curl up in bed to cry until he can’t feel anything anymore, but tonight Chan asked if they could all stay out of the apartment until he texts them to come back, so he supposes it’d be best if he just spent the night out here. It’s not that cold anyway, so he doesn’t really have to worry about getting sick or anything. He’s not hungry, either, so he can really just go to sleep and everything will be fine. 

“That’s bullshit,” he scoffs to himself, taking out the cigarette and breathing more smoke into the air. Sue him for his stress-relievers, but that’s what it takes. “I can’t fucking say that when it’s not.” 

_ What do I say, then? _ Changbin asks himself.  _ What do I say when the guy I’m in love with is also the one I’m setting up? _

“That’s rough man,” he mumbles. He laughs bitterly, shaking his head and sighing. A soft, sea-scented breeze blows by and Changbin scowls. He doesn’t know why, he just-

_ Bzzt, bzzt! _

Changbin’s scowl turns into a frown as he looks down at his phone, eyes widening when he sees a text from Seungmin. 

_ Yongbokkie told me that you got kicked out of your apartment. Wanna sleepover w/ me? _

Changbin can’t help his smile as he texts back, getting into his car after putting his cigarette out and getting into the car. 

Seungmin’s parents, unlike the boy himself, have never liked Changbin. It’s clearly not because of his sexuality, since Seungmin has a gay pride flag hanging in his room from Felix and Seungmin never even “came out” and just brought a boyfriend home. But his parents are also pretty traditional, and Changbin, on the other hand, is not. Changbin drinks and smokes and he took a gap year before college because he didn’t know what he was doing with his life even though he got into a pretty good university. Changbin is a “bad influence” on Seungmin, and both the boy’s parents and Changbin himself know that. Seungmin, only because he’s the walking definition of an angel, is the one person who insists on the fact that Changbin isn’t a bad influence. 

(And Changbin, though he hates himself for it, still allows himself to believe it whenever they’re together. God, he really is a bad person, isn’t he?)

They eat dinner together before heading upstairs to Seungmin’s room. Seungmin takes one look at Changbin’s painted nails before grabbing a bag of nail polish and pulling out the nail clippers. Changbin, trying to be as helpful as possible, grabs some old magazines and lays them out. 

“Wait, not those!” Seungmin cries, snatching the magazines up and pressing them to his chest. “Those are my Day6 magazines!”

Changbin scowls. 

“Well how was I supposed to know?” he grumbles as he picks up an old homework, checking the date to make sure Seungmin doesn’t need it. “I don’t look at magazine covers whenever I paint  _ my _ nails.”

“Yeah, that’s how Mom and Dad saw you reading a playboy bunny magazine that one time in the drugstore,” Seungmin says, snickering. Changbin scowls at him and shakes his head. 

“Just get over here, you wannabe punk-boy,” he says. 

“I could say the same for you,” Seungmin sing-songs and,  _ God, _ does Changbin love him. 

“Well come on then, let’s just get this over with,” Changbin says, trying to act mad as Seungmin squeals excitedly as he sits down, holding his hands out. Changbin tries to make sure his own don’t shake as he grabs the nail clippers and gently takes Seungmin’s hand in his own, lifting the clippers and slowly beginning. 

“Paint them black,” Seungmin says. 

“Geez, so demanding,” Changbin mumbles playfully, shaking his head at Seungmin’s pout. He gets out the nail polish remover and swipes it over each of Seungmin’s nails, laughing at his curious expression. 

“Don’t worry, Min,” he says. “Unlike you,  _ I _ actually know what I’m doing.” 

Seungmin looks like he’s going to hit him, so Changbin does the first coat. He grins cheekily at him and Seungmin scowls. 

“When these are dry-”

“It’ll take one or two hours, golden boy,” Changbin says. “You’re not using the stuff that dries in ten or fifteen minutes, so you’re gonna be here for a pretty long time.” 

“Oh my God, I hate you,” Seungmin says as Changbin continues to paint his nails. Changbin shrugs and makes a kissy face. 

“Oh, spare me the dishonesty,” he says, smiling fondly. In moments like this, he feels like Seungmin’s boyfriend. They’re sitting on Seungmin’s bedroom floor, bickering and laughing as Changbin paints Seungmin’s nails and tries not to be too obvious about his feelings. And really, it’s fun and Changbin loves being with Seungmin as they watch stupid Youtube videos and wait for Seungmin’s nails to dry. 

“We should dye my hair,” Seungmin says. Changbin scoffs. 

“Then your parents really  _ would _ kill me. ‘Sides, don’t you like it blond?” 

“Oh, well, yeah,” Seungmin says. “I dunno. It feels kinda innocent.” 

“That’s because you  _ are _ innocent, golden boy,” Changbin says. He laughs. “You even have your first kiss yet?” 

“At prom, so yes,” Seungmin says, sticking his tongue out. 

“Lose your virginity too? The traditional-”

“Ew, Hyung!” Seungmin says, socking Changbin in the arm. “Why do you want to know?” 

“So yes?” 

Seungmin scowls. 

“No,” he says. “I chickened out.” 

Changbin hums. 

“Hey, it’s fine,” he says. “Just ‘cause all your friends-”

“Not  _ all _ of them. Jeongin hasn’t lost his or Jongho or Beomgyu or Taehyun or-”

“I don’t care about your friends’ sex lives, Min,” Changbin says, snorting. He shrugs. “It’s really not that important. Me? I can’t even remember how I lost mine.” 

“You did it with Eunji, didn’t you?” Seungmin mumbles, avoiding his eyes. Changbin shrugs. 

“Yeah, probably. Don’t recall ever cheating on her,” he says. Seungmin, surprisingly, doesn’t snort or laugh like Changbin expected him to and instead stays quiet.

“Hey, Min, you good?” he says, frowning and tilting his head. Seungmin looks up and smiles, though Changbin can tell it’s forced. 

“Yeah, of course!” he says happily. Once again, it’s forced. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Changbin says. “Are you okay? I know-”

“I just don’t wanna talk about it anymore,” Seungmin blurts. He shifts in place. “Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s my fault,” Changbin says. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. Sorry, Min, didn’t mean it.” 

Seungmin frowns at him, his eyes unreadable as Changbin gets up and starts putting the nail polish away. He throws Seungmin’s nails out and then goes to the bathroom, locking the door and sitting on the ground. The tiles are cold, even through his borrowed pair of too-big sweatpants, and Changbin wraps his arms around his legs and buries his face in them. He has to be more careful. 

He comes out of the bathroom and Seungmin looks at him worriedly until Changbin tackles him and holds him in his arms while Seungmin struggles half-heartedly. And Changbin hates the guilt that bubbles up inside of him but he hates that he’s doing this even more because it feels like he’s taking advantage of Seungmin by allowing him to think that he isn’t in love with him. 

“ _ Hyung _ ,” Seungmin whines, “let go of me, I wanna talk about boys.” 

“You and your gay ass that only has eyes for Hyunjin, that’s what you wanna talk about?” Changbin says. He scoffs, sitting back. “Maybe I should call Hyunjinnie, hm? You’d-”

“No, I need advice,” Seungmin blurts. He goes red in the face. “I - well, he asked - he - he heard me singing and he wants - he wants to know if I’d ever be open to going to this club. He says - he just asked me out, kind of.” 

“Oh,” Changbin says. “Oh, wow, congratulations.” 

Seungmin smiles shyly at him. 

“Thanks,” he says. He shifts. “I just - um, I don’t know what to do.” 

Changbin nods. 

“Yeah, I can help you,” he says. “Just, uh, when is it?”

“He said, um, the next time they’ll have an open night for people to come up and sing is in two weeks. I think that’s enough time, right?” 

Changbin nods again because he doesn’t trust himself to say anything. Seungmin seems happy to fill the silence between them, though, and Changbin tries not to cry. However, once Seungmin’s fallen asleep and Changbin’s lying alone on the pull-out bed, the tears prick his eyes and slowly slide down his cheeks. He sits there and stares at Seungmin (not in a creepy way, he swears), crying and trying to stay quiet. He’d hate to have to explain to Seungmin that he’s in love with him and is crying because he’s setting him up with someone else. 

“I love you,” he whispers, the words heavy in his mouth and thick with emotion. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

And Seungmin, just as always, remains painfully oblivious to Changbin as his heart shatters for the millionth time. 

[ _ 청사진 (Blueprint) _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_G906iQID8)

They drive out to some sort of park or whatever, though Changbin is more or less certain that it’s a beach. He “invites” the others but all of them, cognizant of Changbin’s crush on Seungmin, decline. Strangely enough, Hyunjin does too, though Changbin guesses it’s because of him. 

(And, well, if he doesn’t feel the least bit guilty, well, then, that’s no one’s business.)

Seungmin is so happy to come with him that Changbin swears he can almost feel hope in his chest as they drive out. Seungmin makes him open the window and turn up the radio, yelling happily so the rest of the world can feel his joy. Changbin can’t help but grin at him, though the grin turns into an expression of panic when he almost crashes. 

“Woo!” Seungmin yells, leaping out of the car the moment Changbin parks. He throws his hands in the air and laughs joyously, his eyes closed and his head tilted up to the sun. He’s dressed in a way that Changbin can only describe as beautiful and angelic - an indigo beret covers his hair which is parted in waves, and then he’s got on a blue-and-white striped button-up that reaches his mid-thigh. His pants are the same dark blue as his beret and shirt stripes, and his shoes are those ratty sneakers he’s still so stubbornly fond of. At risk of being repetitive, Changbin loves him. 

“Get the radio!” Seungmin cries. Changbin laughs and half-heartedly scolds him as he turns around to grab the old, kind of shitty radio they all share. Seungmin reaches into his bag and pulls out a little mixtape, grinning widely as Changbin puts it on. Goofily, he begins to dance around on the cliff, and Changbin wishes he could take good photos. There’s only a wooden picnic table to get in his way (and, of course, the edge of the cliff, but that fall’s not that bad and Changbin is sure Seungmin would survive if he fell since he’s already seen him jump off of it), and Seungmin basks in the sun as he dances to the songs planning. He eventually gets to the edge and holds his arms out, laughing as the wind tugs at his clothes. 

“LOOK AT ME!” he yells at the top of his lungs. “I’M KIM SEUNGMIN! WOO!”

Changbin watches him the entire time, imagining what it’d be like to wrap his arms around Seungmin’s waist or to dance with him on the cliff, laughing and talking and loving. He supposes Hyunjin will know sooner or later. Nonetheless, it’s still nice to see Seungmin having the time of his life. 

(And if Changbin notices how Seungmin doesn’t look back once, well, then, we don’t have to talk about it. Because Changbin’s saving his heartbreak for tonight when he’s no longer sexiled from his apartment and he can lie in bed under the blankets and cry until he doesn’t feel anything anymore.)

They eat lunch together, kudos to the food Minho cooked for them. Changbin is happy to listen as Seungmin prattles on and on about schoolwork and everything going on, a soft smile decorating his face. 

“I think I’m gonna get my ears pierced,” Seungmin says then, interrupting Changbin’s train of thought. He chokes on his rice and stares at Seungmin with wide eyes, trying to seem supportive at the same time. 

“Your parents-”

“-Don’t care,” Seungmin says. He grins. “I asked them and they said that as long as I don’t do drugs or smoke or anything like that, I’m in the clear!” 

Changbin snorts at that, shaking his head. 

“Sure, sure,” he says. He dusts his hands off. “So, you wanna-”

Seungmin grins mischievously at him and pulls out a needle and antiseptic. 

“I heard someone here has experience with using stuff at home,” Seungmin says. Changbin arches an eyebrow. 

“Uh, Min, it  _ really _ fucking hurts when you do it yourself,” he says. “That’s why I only did one of them that way.” 

“Oh.” Seungmin looks down at his needle and antiseptic, frowning cutely. He looks a bit (read: a lot) like a confused and sad puppy. 

“We can go and do it tomorrow if you want,” Changbin says, shrugging. “I mean, we can do it today, but I thought-”

“I wanna stay here,” Seungmin says firmly, nodding. “We still have time, don’t we?” 

Changbin nods, smiling at him. 

“Yeah,” he says, trying to forget that this day is already beginning to end. “Yeah, we’ve got time.” 

Seungmin asks him to take pictures, and Changbin is more than happy to oblige. Seungmin is hilariously photogenic when he wants to be, and Changbin loves to be the one to witness it. He wants, desperately so, to keep all of the pictures he’s taken to himself, to upload them onto an old hard drive or something to look at when he’s sad. Another part of him wants to print them out in a little polaroid fashion and hang them from those fairy lights Felix likes so much, according to Chan. He wants the entire world to see how beautiful Seungmin is when he’s doing something as simple as laughing or walking because  _ God, _ Changbin’s never seen anyone just like Seungmin. He’s everything, more perfect than anyone Changbin knows. 

“You’re good at this,” he says as he snaps another picture with the camera Seungmin somehow managed to sneak along with them. Seungmin laughs and Changbin snaps another photo. 

“Hyunjin helped me,” he says. “He’s a really good photographer and asked all of us to model, I guess, for his portfolio. It was fun.” 

“Huh,” Changbin mumbles, taking another picture of Seungmin as a soft, lovesick smile overtakes his face. He wants to see what it looks like when Seungmin’s in love, even if it’s not with him. 

(He thinks, though, as he saves the picture, that this is the only one he wants to keep for himself. He wants to have it to remind himself that there is such a thing as love that’s requited and that some people do get happy endings. Also, it’s good for when he’s sad and alone and in need of a lapse into his dreamscape.)

“Okay, my turn,” Seungmin says, barreling over and snatching the camera from Changbin. Changbin huffs and covers his face with his hands, scowling behind them. 

“Min, you’re the one who wanted to come out here,” he says. “I don’t want there to be any photos of me.” 

“Aw, come on, Hyungie, you’re really not  _ that _ ugly,” Seungmin teases. Changbin looks up from his hands and scowls at him just as the camera goes off again. 

“Why, you-”

_ Click! _

“Stop!”

_ Click! _

“Golden boy, I swear-”

_ Click! _

“Seungmin-”

_ Click, click, click! _

Seungmin lowers the camera and grins at him, his eyes deceptively soft and comforting. Changbin feels his hands fall uselessly to his sides and he gawks openly at Seungmin as he looks through the photos taken, giggling. 

“We should take one together,” he says, looking up and smiling. Changbin can only nod as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat, walking over to stand by Seungmin. 

“Put your arm around my waist, like this,” Seungmin says, grabbing Changbin’s wrist and adjusting the older boy’s position accordingly. “There we go. I don’t bite, at least not in public.” 

Changbin snorts and the camera goes off. He turns to look at Seungmin and finds him to be grinning brightly at the lens. And Changbin realizes, then, that Seungmin isn’t going to look at him, so he turns to the lens too and fights the tears in his eyes with a forced smile. 

They end up lying on the beach sometime later. Changbin doesn’t really remember driving down to the beach, but now he and Seungmin are lying on a towel as the sky darkens and the waves lap sleepily at their bare feet. All he knows is that he enjoys it.

“Hey, Changbin-Hyung?” Seungmin says. Changbin continues to stare at the sky, watching the slowly waking stars appear in the sea of black. “Changbin-Hyung?”

“Hm?” 

“Thank you,” Seungmin says softly. Changbin hums again. He can’t look at Seungmin at risk of bursting into tears. “Today’s been really fun.” 

Changbin hums yet again, then he gets up, dusts himself off, and offers a hand to Seungmin. 

“C’mere,” he says. Seungmin sits up and takes his hand, then Changbin rolls his jeans up before leading Seungmin to the water. “Stand there and just . . . I don’t know, think of something funny.” 

Seungmin laughs and Changbin is tempted to yell at him how perfect he is as he goes to get the camera, the seawater on his feet making the sand stick to his skin. The sensation is unpleasant, though Changbin doesn’t mind as he makes his way back over to Seungmin, holding up the camera to snap a picture of him as he looks around. He checks on it and smiles, tongue peeking out as he takes a few more photos. Seungmin, when he notices, turns and grins at him, waving happily as the sun casts an orange glow around him. 

“Real life golden boy,” Changbin says when Seungmin’s looking at the pictures later. Seungmin laughs at him and shoves his arm, snorting. 

“Ha ha, very funny,” he says. “Come on, punky-Hyung, why don’t you make a few poses? Throw up the middle finger for the aesthetic?” 

“Hell no,” Changbin says, waving his hand as he begins to walk off. “I’m not doing that shit.” 

“Aw, Hyung, please?” Seungmin says, chasing after him so the water splashes up around their legs. “Come on, just one or two?” 

“No,” Changbin says. “Come on, Min, let’s go get dinner or some-”

Seungmin pushes him into the water and takes a picture. Changbin glowers at him before springing up and pushing him back, snatching the camera away and taking a retaliation picture. Seungmin yells happily and returns the favor until the camera ends up safely on the towel while the two boys play in the water. Changbin knows it’s getting late and that they should probably head out to grab dinner. But Seungmin is laughing and he has to go get him back for dunking him under the water. 

They leave when the sky is dark and the stars stare down at them as Changbin helps Seungmin into the car. He hands him the towel wordlessly and starts the car, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Seungmin is trying to stay awake, though his eyes fall shut the moment his head lands on Changbin’s shoulder and the older boy begins to drive. It’s colder because of the sleeping sun and the stars (though there is no moon) that have come to take its place. Changbin doesn’t bother turning on the radio as he drives to a 24 hours diner, parking and gently nudging Seungmin awake. 

“Seungmo, wake up,” Changbin whispers, moving his shoulder a bit to maybe wake him up. Seungmin hums and slowly opens his eyes, rubbing them with his fists and looking around the car. 

“Where - where are we?” he says sleepily. 

“We’ve gotta get dinner and then I’ll drive you home. Come on, let’s go,” Changbin says, getting out of the car. He reaches, instinctively, for the cigarettes that live in his jacket pocket before remembering that they’re all soaked from playing in the water with-

“Hey, thought you’d want this,” someone says. Changbin looks up and Wooyoung winks at him, holding out the cigarette. 

“When’d you get here, you creep?” he says, taking it and lighting it. Wooyoung shrugs.

“Dunno. We were at a club and San got drunk off his ass so he’s in the diner with Mom. I came out here for a bit.” 

“Not for a smoke, right? You’ve been trying to kick it I thought.” 

Wooyoung hums, nodding as he grabs a lollipop and jams it into his mouth. 

“You should too,” he says as Changbin exhales a plume of smoke. He shrugs. 

“I might,” he says. He looks over at the car, at the lights that are still on as Seungmin lies in the front seat. “Min doesn’t like it.” 

“How was your date?” 

Changbin hushes him before scoffing and shrugging. 

“I’m ‘teaching’ him how to rebel because of the guy he likes,” he says. “It wasn’t a date.” 

Wooyoung hums, moving around the lollipop in his mouth so it clacks against his teeth. 

“Well, that’s rough,” he says. He holds his hand out and Changbin hands him the cigarette, watching as the other boy puts it between his lips and inhales. “Fuck, that feels like shit. Why do you even use ‘em anymore?” 

“You just haven’t been,” Changbin says, taking it back. “Lungs of steel right here, baby.” 

“You won’t be saying that when you’ve got lung cancer, will you?” Wooyoung says, coughing and waving his hand around. “Christ, what the hell?” 

“I come from a long line of smokers, Young-ah,” Changbin says, laughing. “It runs in the family.” 

“Psh, what a shitty habit,” Wooyoung says. He takes the lollipop out and rolls it around over his tongue, looking at Changbin’s car. 

“Tell me about it,” Changbin says. He sighs. “I should probably go get him, huh?” 

Wooyoung hums, nodding. 

“Probably,” he says. Changbin drops the cigarette and crushes it beneath his shoe, then he turns and walks toward the car. Seungmin is hanging out from his seat, the door open, and it makes it look like he tried getting out before deciding it was too much work. 

“Hey, Min-”

“You’ve been smoking, haven’t you?” Seungmin says, his voice slow from sleep. He scowls at Changbin as the older boy helps him out of the car. “Hyungie, put me down, I don’t hang out with smokers.”

“Well, you’ve gotta eat,” Changbin says, grunting as he lifts Seungmin up and slings him over his shoulder. Seungmin hits his back once or twice but remains quiet, at least until they get to the table and order some food. 

“You’ll stop, right?” Seungmin says, now a little more awake. Changbin hears someone squeal “Wooyoungie!” at the top of his lungs and turns to see San stumbling toward the boy while Seonghwa tries to do damage control. If you’re ever drunk, he or Chan are always the ones to call because they’re always the most responsible. 

“Hyung?” Seungmin says, nudging Changbin with a sad, droopy french fry. “Hyung, are you listening to me?” 

Changbin startles out of his daydream and nods, trying for a smile. 

“Yeah, I’ll . . . I’ll start trying to stop,” he says. Seungmin arches an eyebrow and Changbin laughs, leaning over to shove at his shoulder. “I will! I promise, golden boy. But you owe me one, okay?” 

Seungmin snorts. 

“Sure I do,” he says, his eyes twinkling in a way that promises Changbin that he’ll agree to whatever he says. For some reason, Changbin hates it. 

“Be happy,” he blurts. He feels kind of drunk, made confident from his time spent with Seungmin, from the sun that still warms his heart and bones, from the laughter that continues to ring in his ears. “Be happy with whoever you are and don’t give two shits about what other people want.” 

Seungmin stares at him, tilting his head curiously. 

“But-”

“That’s all I want,” Changbin says. “I’m not saying you need to do it for me or that I have to be around to see it; the knowledge that you’re doing it is enough.” 

Seungmin continues to gawk at him and the weight of Changbin’s words finally hit the speaker.  _ Wow, aren’t I great at hiding my feelings, huh? _ he thinks. 

“Stop doing that, you’ll catch flies,” he says instead, stealing a french fry off of Seungmin’s plate. He chews slowly, turning to look out the window at the near-empty parking lot. “You wan’ a milkshake or do you wanna go home?” 

“Milkshake,” Seungmin says, sounding a bit dazed. Changbin asks one of the waiters for one before lying his head down on the table and smushing his cheek against the cold material, allowing his eyes to fall shut. 

“Hey, hey, Hyung,” Seungmin says, poking him with a french fry. Changbin lifts his head slowly, opening his eyes. Seungmin smiles at him. 

“Thank you,” he says. “For everything.” 

Though he’ll never say it out loud (directly, at least) Changbin does start trying to stop smoking. Wooyoung helps him by giving him tips and Chan is happy to help him gather up all of his cigarettes to soak so they’re rendered useless. He sends Seungmin a picture and Seungmin responds with a little ‘:D’ that makes Changbin think of the photos on that camera that still sits in his room, waiting for something to happen with all of its contents. 

But, for now, Changbin is happy to go and pick earrings out with Seungmin and Felix. Yeosang, when they come in, grins and acts all goofy (something Changbin thought was something he only did for Jongho because he’s got a  _ huge _ crush on him, but you didn’t hear it from Changbin) as he shows them around. Seungmin holds Changbin’s hand the entire time, even though his palm is sweaty and probably kind of gross, but Changbin can’t help loving the sensation. He wants to hold Seungmin’s hands - or just Seungmin general - forever. But, well, he supposes he’ll be content with this day at the mall, since they’re all going to get together for Seungmin when he gets his ears pierced. 

So that, of course, means that Hyunjin is coming too. And that makes Seungmin even more nervous, so much so that he ends up vomiting his shitty mall food all over the ground, just barely missing Changbin and Felix’s shoes. 

“I’ll clean this up, you go take him to the bathroom or something,” Felix says. Changbin tries to protest but Seungmin also looks like he’s about to die from embarrassment, so he simply nods at Felix and mouths ‘Thank you’ at him before walking off. 

“Hey, Min, look at me,” Changbin says, gently nudging Seungmin. Slowly, the boy lifts his head. He looks like he’s .2 seconds away from crying. “It’s okay. It really doesn’t hurt that much. I mean, come on, at least you’re not Hongjoong-Hyung. He got a tongue piercing!” 

“He was  _ drunk _ ,” Seungmin argues, and, well, Changbin supposes he has a point. So, he rolls up his sleeve and shows Seungmin the tattoo on his shoulder. 

“See this?” he says, pointing at it. It’s a gladiolus. “Do you know how old I was when I got this?” 

Seungmin sniffles and shakes his head. 

“It was for my eighteenth birthday,” Changbin says. He lifts his shirt and shows the tattoo on the lower left side of his ribcage. “This one? I got it done last year around this time.” The tattoo says, ‘Let’s live with a positive mind, enjoy the life.’ He can’t remember what prompted him getting it, but he likes the way it looks. He has more tattoos, all of them scattered around his body, and they all hurt. 

“And?” 

“And if a stupid  _ dwaekki _ like me can get a tattoo and be fine with it, you can get your ears pierced and if anyone makes fun of you, I’ll beat their ass. You see these guns?” He flexs, grinning at Seungmin when he giggles. “No, but seriously, you don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to. If anyone does tease you, though, just call me.” 

Seungmin laughs, wiping his nose. 

“Okay, Hyung,” he says. Changbin’s grin grows.

“Okay, then, let’s go get you cleaned up.” 

They walk over to the place and Seungmin refuses to let go of Changbin’s hand. He’s certain that people are staring at them, but Changbin can’t make himself care as he squeezes Seungmin’s hand and watches the boy shut his eyes while his ears are pierced. 

“That wasn’t that bad!” Seungmin chirps as they walk out, already clinging to Hyunjin like there’s no tomorrow. “Wow!” 

“They’re pretty,” Hyunjin says. Seungmin giggles, leaning his head on his shoulder. Changbin follows quietly. 

“You’re pretty,” he hears Hyunjin murmur, and Seungmin stops walking, so Hyunjin does too, and they stare at each other like they’re in a drama. Changbin forces himself to walk around them instead of being a dick and breaking them up. 

“Hey, Seungmo, you coming?” he says when they get outside, gesturing to his car. Seungmin looks over at Hyunjin then back at Changbin. 

“I - actually I was gonna go out with - with Hyunjin,” Seungmin says. “We’re - we’re going to that club I told you about.” 

_ Oh. _

“Oh,” Changbin says. He tries to smile. “Well, then, I guess I’ll see you later.” He waves then, and gets into his car, trying not to look back. His knuckles turn white from how he grips the wheel, and everything hurts. 

[ _ Anything, Anything _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SexLqob64pw)

It doesn’t take long for Changbin to break. And, soon enough, he finds himself texting Felix and asking if he knows where the club or whatever is. Felix texts him back happily, telling him the address and saying that it’s called ‘Utopia’. Changbin sighs and puts the address into his phone before getting into his car and driving out to the place. He turns on the radio and some old song in English starts playing, strangely enough. But it’s angry and Changbin feels somewhat like that, so he doesn’t mind it enough to change.

He pulls up in front of the club, staring at the bright lights and listening to the music coming from inside. It’s funny and he even laughs a bit when he realizes that it’s the same song he was listening to in the car.

He goes in, flashing his ID, and heads to the bar. He gets himself a beer and then turns to watch the crowd, nursing his drink quietly. He can see Wooyoung pressed against the wall by someone he recognizes as San. Yeonjun and Soobin are cuddled together on the couch while Yeosang has Jongho bringing him a drink. Minho and Jisung are grinding like there’s no tomorrow while Felix films them, tucked into Chan’s arms. Jeongin’s probably back home since Changbin is more or less certain that he’s a minor, though he isn’t quite sure. 

“Wasn’t expecting you to come out tonight,” a voice says from behind him. Changbin turns around and there’s Seonghwa, blond hair curly and parted in front of his face. He’s wearing all black and pulls it all together with a pair of round, silver-framed spectacles. 

“I don’t think anyone was,” Changbin says, laughing. He takes a sip from his beer. “But, uh, where’s Hongjoong-Hyung?” 

“Has an exam coming up,” Seonghwa says. “He’s studying.”

“Mm. How long’s your shift?” 

“Long enough that I have to deal with people grabbing my ass ‘cause of this,” he says, gesturing to the tiny rainbow pinned onto his shirt. He snorts, cleaning a glass. “At least there are free drinks.” 

“And drunk people can be pretty damn funny,” Changbin offers. Seonghwa shrugs. 

“It’s all fun and games until Yeosang tries to drink himself to death. Or someone - Jisung, maybe - tries to break a bottle to kill himself with or something,” he says. He sighs, resting his chin on a palm. “Yup, life of a bartender, huh?” 

Changbin laughs.

“How many heartbreaks do you think you see a night?” he says. Seonghwa shrugs. 

“You’re the first one, but it’s still early. Give ‘em some time and then they’ll be flocking over here, ‘specially the douchey guys who got rejected. But that’s not heartbreak.” He gestures to Changbin, then to the dancefloor. “That’s heartbreak, right in front of me.” 

Changbin snorts a laugh, shaking his head. 

“Don’t worry, I know,” he says. “S’okay if I turn around, right? They’re not making out or anything.” 

Seonghwa laughs, shaking his head. 

“Nah,” he says. “Call me if you need anything, I’ll just be kicking these minors out.” He does a playful salute and then walks off. Changbin braces himself and then turns around, beer in hand in case things get ugly. 

It’s quite the opposite, though. Seungmin - god,  _ Seungmin _ . He’s beautiful. The lights give him an even more angelic look as he dances, arms in the air and a smile on his face. He’s wearing a loose black tank-top and a bunch of bracelets. Changbin can’t see Hyunjin but he’s certain that the boy is watching somewhere because Seungmin is radiant as he dances, and Changbin is helpless to do anything but succumb to his will. He wants to cry with how beautiful Seungmin is, he swears he’s never seen anything like him. 

Idly, Changbin finds himself wondering what it’d be like to go up and dance with Seungmin without having to worry about revealing his feelings. He wonders what it’d be like to whisper how much he loves Seungmin to the boy himself, to kiss him out there and be like all of those other couples, shameless about his feelings. 

He wonders, really, what it’d be like to be Hwang Hyunjin. Because Hwang Hyunjin could go up to dance with Seungmin and he could be as honest and open as he wants and he could whisper everything he wants to Seungmin and he could kiss Seungmin and be as shameless as he’d like. And Seungmin would be overjoyed for him to do that, would love him and would return the actions with just as much fervor. And Changbin, just as always, would be left to sit on the sidelines.

Seonghwa comes back sometime later and pours him a shot. 

“It’s on the house,” he says. His motherly side is coming out and Changbin can see it clear as day when he says, “You just look really, really sad.” 

Changbin huffs a laugh and tries to smile. 

“Yeah, well, that’s how I feel right now,” he says. Seonghwa looks over at Seungmin and then back at Changbin, his eyes gentle and worried. 

“Maybe you should take him back home,” he says. “He’s a bit more drunk than someone his age should be.” 

Changbin looks over his shoulder and finds Seungmin to be giggly and red-faced, the flush visible even beneath the lights. He nods and gets up, but Seungmin’s a few steps ahead of him as he plasters himself to the other boy. 

“Hyung!” he says happily and Changbin can smell how much he’s had. 

“Come on, Min, we’ve gotta go,” he says, patting his arm. Seungmin hums, slowly standing straight and rubbing his eyes. Seonghwa’s making something, his back to them, though Changbin can still hear the ice and see that there isn’t any alcohol so far. 

“His butt is flat,” Seungmin says, pointing at him. Seonghwa snickers as he turns around and hands Seungmin the drink. 

“I’ve got a good dick, though; just ask my boyfriend,” he says. Seungmin cackles. 

“Hey, that’s not alcohol, is it?” Changbin says, pointing at the glass. Seonghwa shakes his head. 

“It’ll just make sure he doesn’t wanna drink anymore,” he says. He reaches over the bar and pats Seungmin then Changbin on the head. “You guys stay safe, okay? Changbin, you’re not-”

“No, I’m fine,” Changbin says. “I didn’t have a lot, just a shot and a beer. I’ll be fine.” 

Seonghwa looks a bit uneasy but he nods and waves them goodbye. 

“Ask Chan-Hyung to drive you if you think you might be too drunk!” he yells after them. “Please!” 

“Bye!” Seungmin yells back, waving. He leans on Changbin, then, letting the older boy take the brunt of his weight as they half-walk half-stumble out of the club. 

“Ugh, why did you have to get so drunk?” Changbin grumbles as he shoves Seungmin into the car. Seungmin laughs and drapes himself over the seat, watching sleepily as Changbin gets into the front seat. 

“Hyung,” he says, flicking Changbin’s arm. When Changbin doesn’t answer, he does it again.  _ “Hyung.” _

“What?” Changbin says, turning to face Seungmin. “What-”

His words are lost to the feeling of lips against his. Seungmin tastes sweet like maraschino cherries, his lips a little cold from the ice cube Changbin saw him eating. His hands come and his palms press against Changbin’s cheeks, squishing his face and puckering his lips as they kiss. 

“Thanks,” Seungmin says when he pulls away, smiling sleepily. Changbin gawks at him as the boy leans his head on his shoulder, his eyes falling shut. 

And then, though he wishes he didn’t have to, Changbin drives Seungmin home. 

Changbin refuses to talk about the kiss and Seungmin seems to have totally forgotten because he continues going to Changbin for advice. Changbin wishes he could say he’s happy that this is how they’re handling the situation - if Seungmin really does remember, then that’s something at least  _ he _ can say. Changbin just wishes that the feeling was mutual. 

“Oh, sit still, will you?” Hongjoong scolds, though his voice lacks any real bite. Changbin isn’t allowed to go into Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s room while Hongjoong is doing Seungmin’s makeup, though he can certainly hear the battle it’s been. Hongjoong, out of all of Changbin’s friends, is the best with makeup, and he’d been happy to help Seungmin get ready. Now, Changbin is sitting in Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s shared apartment, a cup of water in his hands, watching as Seonghwa flits in and out of the room. 

“I doubt I need to tell you this since you know how he gets when he’s drunk, but keep an eye on Yeosang, will you? I’ve already asked Chan-Hyung to watch him and Jisung, but I’m still worried about them. You know what I mean, right?” 

Changbin nods. 

“Yeah, of course,” he says. Seonghwa sits back, smiling gently. 

“Oh, thank you,” he says. “I’m sorry, I mean, I know you’re having a hard time-”

“Hyung, it’s fine,” Changbin says. He shifts. “But, uh, you’re not working tonight?” 

Seonghwa shakes his head. 

“I get off on Friday nights,” he says. He turns toward the bedroom, smiling. “It’s me and Hongjoong’s date night.” 

Just then, the door opens and out step Seungmin and Hongjoong. Changbin feels obligated to stand for Seungmin, though it makes him worry about falling down. Silver dusts his eyelids and his lips are glossy under the lights, his eyes lined with black. He’s wearing black, ripped skinny jeans and a loose, black silk top with spaghetti straps. A jean jacket is slung over his shoulder and he’s got a collar around his neck (Yeosang had insisted he buy it, though Changbin had thought it’d been a joke and that Seungmin had had the same view. Apparently not.). His height is further accentuated by his big Doc Martens, or, well, they  _ will _ be when he puts them on because Seonghwa would lose it if anyone wore shoes in his apartment. 

“Oh, wow,” Changbin says since it’s the only coherent sentence (if you can even call it that) his brain can manage to formulate. Hongjoong snickers behind his hand and walks over to Seonghwa, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around his waist. 

“Oh, to be young and in love,” he says. Changbin feels like he’s been sucker-punched as he chokes on air and turns to look at the boy. Seonghwa leans down and whispers something in his boyfriend’s ear and Hongjoong’s face lights up.

“We’re not a couple!” Changbin blurts because he doesn’t think he could stand hearing Seungmin say it. “I - I’m just driving him. Then he’ll - then he’ll have someone.” 

The words ‘and I’ll be alone’ hang in the air, though Seungmin seems to be the only one blind to them as he bids Hongjoong and Seonghwa goodbye and links arms with Changbin before walking out. 

“We kinda do look like a couple,” he says as they walk down the hall to the elevator. Changbin uses his every bit of self-control to keep from tensing or saying they could be one for real. 

“Well, you and Hyunjin will probably look better,” he says. Seungmin stays quiet as he presses the button for the elevator and they step inside, heading down to the library. 

“What song are you gonna sing?” Changbin says as he pulls out of the parking garage. Seungmin laughs. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he says. Changbin scowls at him as he continues to drive while Seungmin grins cutely. 

It isn’t long before they’re pulling up in front of  _ Utopia. _ Changbin dreads going in but he also can’t wait to see Seungmin sing. He’s always been a bit shy about his voice, though Changbin (and many other people) would say that he’s a spectacular singer. It’s good to see him coming out of his shell. 

(It’s good to see him coming out of his shell, but, selfishly, Changbin still feels hurt by it because with one word from Hyunjin, Seungmin is ready to go and sing in front of a bunch of people he’s never met. But, well, it’s good that Seungmin is opening up, even if Changbin isn’t the reason why.)

“You’re here!” Hyunjin cries when they arrive, throwing his arms around Seungmin. Changbin watches as Seungmin turns a bright red and nods, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Um, uh, yeah,” he says. “I - is there anywhere I should go?” 

“The bathroom if you get nervous, but, other than that, I’ll just tell you when to go up. You got a song?” 

Seungmin nods, twiddling his thumbs. Hyunjin grins at him, hugging him close, and Seungmin seems to lose some of the tension in his shoulders. Changbin watches as they go, sighing to himself and trying to find a familiar face. Yeonjun is talking with Felix and Wooyoung, laughing loudly, and Changbin walks over to them. 

“Oh, you’re here!” Wooyoung says, leaping up to tackle Changbin. “Ah, I was wondering if you were gonna come!” 

Changbin shoves him off and sits down, sighing. 

“Yeah, well, Seungmin needs a chauffeur,” he says. “Any of you guys got a lollipop? I don’t have any cigarettes on me.” 

“And you shouldn’t,” Chan says as he comes and sits down, handing everyone their drinks. “You’re trying to follow Wooyoung’s example.” 

“Mmm, different wording,” Yeonjun says. Wooyoung punches his shoulder. “Hey, I’m right! You’re a total dumbass!” 

“Fuck you,” Wooyoung says. He crosses his arms. “At least I’m not fucking a twink from my friend’s high school.” 

“I’m not a twink!” Felix says. He adjusts. “I like to think of myself as a bougie slut.” 

“That’s dumb,” Minho says. “Still a bitch though.” 

“You can’t talk,” Felix snaps. “Everyone here is a bitch. Well, maybe not Chris. You’re more of a dick-type. And Jisung. Both of y’all are dicks. Changbin it a ditch.” 

“Half and half, baby!” Changbin yells. He’s overdoing it, he’s certain of the fact, but he can’t stand the looks of pity that will come inevitably the moment Seungmin and Hyunjin start making out in the corner. 

“It’s starting!” San says (when did he get here?), shoving at Yeonjun to sit next to Wooyoung. “Shut up!”

[ _ 시작 _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FpwF-v8_q0)

There’s a sort of drum roll, and then Seungmin’s voice breaks through. Changbin sits straight up like he’s been electrocuted, surprise coloring his features as he spots Seungmin singing. He’s standing nervously on the stage of sorts yet, despite how tense he seems, it looks like he belongs there. He’s gorgeous, radiant, eye-catching - Seungmin captures people’s attention and refuses to give it back as he grows bolder with each passing moment, his voice getting stronger as his confidence grows. 

“Wow,” he hears someone say. “Who is that?” 

_ That’s Kim Seungmin, _ Changbin wants to say.  _ That boy is Kim Seungmin and you’d better remember his name because you don’t find talent like that anymore. Remember his name because he’ll be gone before you know it if you don’t say anything now.  _

“He’s really good,” Yeosang murmurs. “Wow, he’s, like,  _ super _ good.” 

“I know,” Changbin breathes before he can stop himself. “He’s amazing.” 

Yeosang snickers and Changbin doesn’t think he can even get mad, partly because he’s so very entranced by Seungmin’s performance that he can’t think of anything unrelated to the boy on the stage before them and because he’s quite certain that he looks like the words ‘lovesick fool’. But, well, can anyone blame him? Seungmin has made the stage into his own home, has taken it over. But really, didn’t it belong to him the moment he stepped inside of the club?

“You’re crying,” Yeonjun says from beside him, gently nudging Changbin with his shoulder. “You need a tissue?” 

Changbin wipes his eyes and shakes his head. 

“I - no, I’m - I’ll be fine,” he says, his voice a little hoarse. Oh, wow, he really is crying. 

“It’s - I’m sorry,” Yeonjun says. “You - I can take him home if it’s easier for you.” 

Changbin shakes his head. 

“No, it’s fine, Yeonjun-ah,” he whispers. He finds the other boy’s hand and squeezes. “Thank you, though.” 

“Any time, Hyung,” Yeonjun says. They both turn back to Seungmin and Changbin feels a grin spread across his face, pride and love making his heart swell in his chest. Seungmin’s definitely calmed down a lot and he’s smiling at the crowd as he sings into the microphone, swaying a bit to the music in a way that can only be described as ‘adorable’. God, Changbin wishes that this could last forever.

“Where’s Hyunjin? He has to see this!” someone whispers. 

“I’m recording it for him if he’s not here,” Chan says, showing them his video camera. “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere, though.” 

Changbin, though it isn’t exactly his place, feels angry with Hyunjin. Where is he? He’s the one who invited Seungmin, the one who encouraged him to come here. He should be out here supporting him, shouldn’t-

_ Oh. _

Changbin knows Seungmin sees Hyunjin the moment he does. His voice cracks and it’s barely noticeable, but Changbin can still hear it. 

_ I didn’t know Jeongin came, _ Changbin thinks. Hyunjin is in the boy’s lap, making out with him, his long blond hair tickling Jeongin’s face. They act starved as they kiss, making it clear that there’s  _ something _ going on. Changbin, instinctively, turns back to the stage. Seungmin is staring at them and something in his eyes seems broken, though he turns away from the couple and tries to keep his smile in place as he continues to sing. Changbin clenches his fists and tries to offer as much encouragement as he can with his eyes, smiling gently at Seungmin. 

Seungmin doesn’t even look his way. 

The moment he’s off the stage, Seungmin seems to disappear.

“I’ll find him,” Changbin volunteers. “He - uh, something happened. I’ll go get him.” 

The others nod, choosing not to ask questions as Changbin walks off. His chest aches as he searches through the crowd, trying to find Seungmin. 

For someone so tall, Seungmin is very difficult to find. Maybe it’s because he can blend in so easily with crowds, though Changbin doubts that because he’s picked Seungmin out from countless students looking exactly the same. Well, not really, but his point is obvious; Seungmin can’t disappear. 

“Seungmin!” Changbin says, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Seungmin, where are you? Seungmin?” 

People turn their heads to look at him when he walks by, probably wondering why this small, yelling man is being so pushy. But Changbin doesn’t care because-

“Changbin-Hyung!” 

Changbin turns around just as Jeongin barrels into him. He holds his hands out to steady the boy, checking for any injuries. 

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” Changbin says. Jeongin shakes his head and waves his hands. 

“No, no, I just heard you were looking for Seungmin-Hyung,” he says. Changbin nods. “He’s - um, you might wanna grab him from the bar. He’s kind of-”

“Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin!” a voice that definitely belongs to Seungmin breaks through Jeongin’s words. Jeongin and Changbin both wince. 

“Yeah, probably,” Changbin says. He moves around Jeongin and to the bar, finding Seungmin standing on a table with a glass in his hand. 

“Seungmin, I can explain-”

“No! You - you invited me, I thought you  _ liked _ me,” Seungmin slurs, barely keeping himself up. Changbin fights a sigh as he moves past the crowd and toward the table. 

“I’ll take it from here,” he says, not bothering to look at Hyunjin as he climbs onto the table with Seungmin. The boy stumbles and his drink splashes on Changbin’s shirt. 

“Hyungie,” Seungmin sniffles, and, oh, shit, now he’s crying. “Hyungie, Hyungie, did you see them? Did you see them?” 

“Yeah, I saw them, Min. Come on, you’re crashing at my place, you’re too drunk to stay with your parents. Gimme your phone, I’ll text them,” Changbin says. Seungmin grunts, unresponsive but he at least allows Changbin to guide him down from the table. 

“In my back pocket,” Seungmin mumbles as he trips over his feet on his way to the door. “You get that and a chance to touch my ass.” 

Changbin sighs, shaking his head as he grabs the device and holds it up to Seungmin’s face to unlock it. He doesn’t bother reading any of Seungmin’s texts and simply tells the boy’s parents that Seungmin is planning to stay with his Chan-Hyung, so they don’t need to worry and he’ll be back in the morning. They both respond and tell him to be careful. Well, that’s one less thing to worry about. 

“Come on, Min,” Changbin says, tugging Seungmin toward the car. He helps him inside and then gets in, starting the vehicle before driving off. Seungmin, the entire time, remains silent, his head leaning against the window. 

They get to the apartment and Changbin makes Seungmin leave his half-empty Blue Hawaii in the car as they struggle to get into the elevator. Seungmin drapes himself over Changbin, smelling of alcohol. 

“What a lightweight,” Changbin says, fondness tickling the edges of his voice. They walk toward the apartment and Seungmin grunts in protest when Changbin moves him to unlock the door. 

Slowly, they go inside. Changbin leaves Seungmin on the couch as he goes to get him a glass of water and some Advil. He turns and finds Seungmin sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall, and he walks over, taking the seat next to him. 

“Here,” he says. “As far as I’m concerned, you’ve never been this drunk before, so-” 

Seungmin’s been staring at him in a weird way, his eyes all droopy and lidded. It makes the words stop in Changbin’s throat as his mouth grows dry and the other boy leans forward, taking the glass and moving it to the coffee table. 

And then, lips are pressed against Changbin’s own, and he’s kissing Seungmin. He tastes sweet and sad and a bit salty from his tears, though Changbin can’t be sure as the boy clambers clumsily into his lap. There’s a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop, warning him to stay away from Seungmin, but he can’t as he kisses the other boy back with just as much fervor. The only thing on his mind is  _ Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin _ and the feeling of his lips and their taste. 

Wait a minute. 

“Seungmin, Seungmin, hold on,” Changbin says when Seungmin pulls away for a second, gasping. “Seungmin, wait a minute.” 

“Kiss me,” Seungmin begs, his eyes wide and sad and heartbroken. “Kiss me, Changbinnie-Hyung. I want to forget.” 

Changbin shoves him off of his lap and stands up, fighting his tears. 

“No,” he says. Seungmin looks up at him with wide, surprised eyes. “No, I won’t kiss you, Seungmin, because you’re super fucking drunk right now.” 

Seungmin shakily gets to his feet. 

“No, no, no, please, I don’t want-”

“Snap out of it, okay, Seungmin?!” Changbin says, hating how he raises his voice and how Seungmin looks so much more surprised by it. “You’re drunk!” 

“But I want-”

“You want-” God, just  _ say it _ “-you want Hyunjin. I’m not Hyunjin, dumbass.” 

“I  _ know _ . You’re the  _ opposite _ of Hyunjin.” 

Changbin chokes out a bitter, bitter laugh. 

“Yeah, I know,” he says. “I fucking  _ know that _ so why are you kissing me?” 

Seungmin looks at him. 

“You like me,” he says. “You like me and you want to kiss me. Why aren’t you kissing me?”

“Because you’re drunk, that’s why!” Changbin yells. “Seungmin, stop trying to - I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it won’t make things better. Hyunjin is - Hyunjin and Jeongin, they’re the ones you need to talk to when you’re sober again. I didn’t take any part in this!” 

“You helped me! You gave me hope!” Seungmin cries. 

“Yeah, well now you know how it feels,” Changbin spits. “You - Seungmin, I’m - Seungmin, you’ve been using me this entire fucking time and now - now you’re just going to ask for more? I give and I give and I give and I give and all you do is take and take and take and take, and then, when I stop for a  _ second _ you’re already demanding more?” Seungmin’s crying, he’s crying, he’s crying, and it’s all because of Changbin. “I’m done, okay? Whatever you want, you’ve gotta go bother someone else because I’m not going to let you take advantage of my feelings anymore, okay?!” 

Seungmin stares at him, blinking slowly, before wiping his eyes and looking away. 

“I’m going to - I’ll drive you to Seonghwa-Hyung and Hongjoong-Hyung,” he says. “God, I can’t deal with this shit anymore.” 

Seungmin sniffles, wiping his nose. Chanagbin grabs his phone and calls Chan. 

_ “Hey, what’s up? How are things with-” _

“He’s not staying with us,” Changbin says gruffly. “I need you to come and take him to Seonghwa-Hyung and Hongjoong-Hyung. They’ll know what to do.” 

_ “Oh. Okay, yeah, me and Felix’ll be right there. Just a minute, we’re already driving.” _

Changbin nods, letting Chan hang up before turning to Seungmin. The boy is sitting on the couch, curled up with his knees pressed against his chest and his face hidden in his arms. Changbin sighs and shakes his head, walking slowly to his room and slamming the door.

[ _ always, i’ll care _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FpwF-v8_q0)

The physical aspect of ignoring Seungmin is at least pretty easy. Changbin simply stops picking him up from school and driving him and going where he is. Seungmin, to his credit, doesn’t come over to the apartment and he doesn’t ask Changbin for anything. The others don’t bring him up and, soon enough, Seungmin seems to sort of fade from Changbin’s life. 

(But he can’t not think of him every time he picks a cigarette up or goes into Hot Topic or drives past that beach or that diner or that club. Everything is somehow still related to Seungmin, and Changbin can only wish that wasn’t how things were.)

“We should talk,” someone says, gently nudging Changbin’s shoulder. He turns and finds Hyunjin standing behind him, Jeongin nearby. 

“About what?” Changbin says, playing coy as he taps the end of his cigarette off. “What’s there to talk about?” 

“Seungmin.” 

Changbin stiffens, his casual expression turning into a scowl. 

“Why him?” 

“He - a lot of this has to do with me,” Hyunjin says. He chews on his lower lip. “And - and I owe you an apology.” 

Changbin scoffs. 

“I’m not the one who needs that,” he says. “Seungmin is the one who deserves an apology.” 

“I know, I just-” Hyunjin sighs “-I just thought you needed it more right now.”

Changbin finds himself laughing. 

“Look, man,” he says, “I don’t give a shit about what happens with me. Seungmin’s probably having a shit time right now, and he really needs a friend. Maybe, if stuff hadn’t gone so badly that night, I’d be that friend. But I’m not, and you’re one of the next candidates to replace me.” 

“I can’t,” Hyunjin says. “He - he isn’t talking to me.” 

“Well, that sucks, doesn’t it?” Changbin says. He sighs, shaking his head. “God, this really sucks.”

“I know.” Hyunjin comes and stands beside him. “I - I’m really sorry, Hyung.” 

Changbin hums. 

“I’m - I’ll be okay,” he says. “Just - just make sure Seungmin’s okay, yeah? I don’t need an apology, I just want him to be okay.” He pauses, thinking. “But thank you. It was really . . . it was really brave of you to do this.” 

Hyunjin offers a shy smile. 

“Thank you,” he says. He turns to go, and Changbin watches him over his shoulder. “But, Hyung, if - maybe - well, it’s not really my place to say this, but maybe you can one day talk to Seungmin.” 

Changbin snorts. 

“Don’t push your luck,” he says. Hyunjin shrugs and walks off, and Changbin finds himself alone again. 

He ends up going out to a club, searching for someone to help him forget Seungmin. Changbin knows he is, in a sense, attractive. And it isn’t long before he’s making out with some nameless girl, his stomach doing flips as his heart begs him to leave her. Changbin, in retaliation, kisses her harder.

But then, big brown eyes and soft blond curls and the prettiest voice he’s ever heard flashes through his mind, and Changbin is hit with how this girl is the exact opposite of the person he wants to be with. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling away, and the girl is, at least, kind enough to smile and shrug, waving him goodbye. Changbin thanks her for her understanding and then walks out, already reaching for a cigarette as he heads out to the balcony.

He meets Seungmin there, just the way he met Hyunjin, smoking outside. But Seungmin, instead of trying to get his attention, comes up and stands beside him, a drink in hand. And, despite his broken heart, Changbin still finds him to be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. 

“Hey,” Seungmin says quietly. Changbin doesn’t answer, instead choosing to exhale a plume of smoke. 

“You’re smoking,” Seungmin points out. Changbin hums, shrugging. 

“What’s it to you?” he says. “You don’t care.” 

Seungmin, or what Changbin can see of him as he side-eyes the boy, manages to look hurt. 

“That’s not true,” he says quietly. 

Changbin laughs bitterly. 

“Okay, sure,” he says. His eyes are already brimming with tears. “Let’s go with that narrative.” He flicks the end of his cigarette off, noticing that it’s nearly gone, and grabs another one. “What do you want, Seungmin?” 

“I - I know I don’t deserve to - look, I’m an asshole.” 

“I know.” 

Seungmin looks at him, and Changbin knows he can’t look back because he knows he’s going to break the moment he sees the hurt in his eyes. He knows the dam inside of him is finally going to bust and Changbin will once again find himself at Seungmin’s feet, begging for the tiniest scraps of his affection like some starving dog. 

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin says. He swallows hard and takes a sip from his drink. “I’m just - I - God, it wasn’t supposed to end this way.” 

Changbin laughs a bit, snorting and shaking his head. 

“I can tell,” he says. 

“I just - I know it’s probably more than I deserve, but - but can I just - can I try and explain everything to you? I - it’s okay if you don’t want to hear it, but-”

“Go ahead,” Changbin says. He shrugs. “Might as well.” 

Seungmin looks like he’s going to fall to his knees and thank him for saying yes.

“I did actually have a crush on Hyunjin,” Seungmin says. “And I - at first, at least, I didn’t know you liked me.” He sighs, shaking his head, and a part of Changbin wishes he had some sort of artistic skill because he’d really like to paint Seungmin. “And Hyunjin really was . . . I don’t know, he liked that punky stuff, and I thought he’d like me more if I got into it, plus it gave me a chance to spend more time with you.” He laughs softly, sadly. “And then, one day, Hyunjin wasn’t the one I was doing it for.” Seungmin looks over at Changbin, then, his eyes soft and tear-filled. “I just - but I was so terrified of rejection because - because why on earth would you set your crush up or try and help him get the guy he likes? So I just . . . I kept pretending and I guess . . . I mean, I still liked him, but it wasn’t - it wasn’t the way I liked you. But you were . . . you were Seo Changbin and I was Kim Seungmin and the way the ball bounced just made it seem like you didn’t want what I did.” 

“But I did,” Changbin says softly.  _ I still do. _

Seungmin looks over at him. 

“I know,” he says sadly. “But I was too lost in my own head to see it. And I just - I thought if I kissed you - if I tried to get with you that night when I was drunk, then you’d want me and you’d make a move.” He puts the heels of his palms over his eyes and his shoulders shake. “But I just - I just fucked everything up and then you got mad and I got mad and everything went to shit.” 

Changbin doesn’t say anything, but he does take his jacket off and drape it over Seungmin’s shoulders. He rests his elbow on the balcony railing and stares out at the city, his expression kept blank. 

“Did Hyunjin talk to you yet?” he says. 

Seungmin hums. 

“Yeah,” he says, sniffling. “He told me you guys spoke.” 

Changbin nods, dropping his cigarette and watching it fall down to the street. 

“We did,” he says. He looks over at Seungmin and tilts his head. “You know that he and Jeongin are dating?” 

“Yeah.” He rolls his shoulders. “I’m happy for them.” 

“Me too,” Changbin says. He presses his fist to his cheek. 

“We’ll be the only ones single in our friend group then,” Seungmin says. 

“Huening has a partner?”

“That’s what I heard.” 

“Huh,” Changbin says. He steals a glance at Seungmin. 

“You know,” he says quietly, “it doesn’t have to be that way.” 

Seungmin’s head jerks as he looks at him, his eyes wide and making him look like a deer in headlights. 

“What?” he says, breathless. “What did you say?” 

“I’m willing . . . I’m willing to try dating you,” Changbin says. He shrugs. “If you’ll have me, that is.” 

Seungmin grins and throws himself at Changbin, hugging him. 

“Wait, really?” he says. 

Changbin shrugs again. 

“Sure,” he says. Seungmin has tears rolling down his cheeks but he’s grinning like it’s the happiest day of his life. “I mean, you’re a pretty okay guy when it comes down to it.” 

Seungmin kisses him, laughter bubbling out of him. Changbin grins against his lips and holds him close, never wanting to let him go. And Changbin finds love out on that balcony, held in the hands of a golden boy whose lips taste like candy and sweat and smoke, and he realizes that, well, maybe love’s not so bad after all. 


End file.
